me

ok so ive been dating this woman for about 6 months now. and id do anything in the world for her. i laid eyes on her about a year and a half ago and ever since then ive had the biggest crush on her but was just to scared to say anything to her plus i also knew she was getting married so i didnt wanna stop anything like that so in march she came to me she found away to make my lil sister think it was her hooking us up well i was married at the time and honestly nothing was wrong with me and my wife everything was good. so she called my sis and was asking if she knew of any guys and of course my lil sis told her me. so we met up and hung out and i found out she was about to be going through a divorce an i knew that i could have a chance. well i had just been married for a few months. so when my leave was up and i had to head back to texas to my duty station. the whole ride back 26 hrs all i could think about was my crush and i can tell you this she just wasnt a normal crush shes perfect in my eyes shes beautiful shes like and angel in my eyes. well when i got back to texas i wrote my wife an email telling her how unhappy i was and all this it was like hitting her in the face with a bag of bricks. well after all that me and my crush we took of like a rocket and we was having amazing conversations and just talking about life and what we want and i was in heaven it was so perfect and just felt right. we told stuff about each other that no one knows and i just felt like i had the world. i fell in love with her like crazy and i mean like ive never felt and i thought ive been in love before but not like this. well i went home on leave again in june to july 5th hell i even stayed a day late just to spend more time with her. oh well i took the ass chewing when i got back but it was worth it for her. well life was great till about 4 weeks ago when her husband came to get his shit and i was nervous as hell cause all my exs have cheated on me and it sucks so i mean thats all i know really and i just let the best get to me and i did take it out on her and i know i shouldnt have cause she hasnt done anything for me to think like that. well ever since its just been rough to talk to her cause she thinks i dont trust her but i do trust her its just the guys i dont trust. now its sept 13th and we still fight and i hate it so bad. now i have a problem to where i all i think about is killing myself and im not gonna lie its a major problem of my life yes at one point i did try to do it but needless to say it failed i tried to hang my self but the board the rope was tied to broke. and all i think about now is doing it i havent tried in the past 3 yrs which is a good thing. and i tell her about it and she just thinks im trying to make her feel guilty and im not not at all i just tell her everything. im head over heels for this girl and would do anything in the world for her in the drop of a pen. i love her so much and im sure shes gonna read this but im just expressing my feelings. im worried about loosing her and i really dont want to lose her she means so much to me. im 1400 miles away form her and i dont know what to do to get this right.